When Aging Parents Were Merely Thoughts

When I was young, I would often think about my future and what would come of it.  I envisioned the usual life events of a prominent career, marriage, nieces, nephews, trips abroad, and domestic. But nothing is utopia all the time, not even my thoughts. Especially any that would suffocate my mind about my parents one day being fragile and aging. Knowing their youthful appearance and energy would give way to walkers and canes.

I wasn’t the only one who carried the melancholy of such vivid imagery. My siblings were too. As we would move through life, we would occasionally discuss how we should care for our aging parents. And, what it means to be ready when those future days happen.

My parents are the center of my universe. They gave me life and never held me back. Though overprotective, what else would you expect from southern small town parents. Their support has always been noticeable. I’ve always been concerned about their life, especially after my siblings and I were grown and on to our own life.

My brothers and sister would often conversate about life, its essence, and what each of us would like to experience as we move through the decades. Time passes quickly when you’re creating the life you want. Meanwhile, we grew up and left our parents nest, as they were continuing to create their life without us. Grand kids born, birthdays celebrated, holidays, deaths mourned, and then one day we looked up from our lives and realized our visions about our parents getting old, were reality.

Time Passes And Lays Its Hands On Each Of Us In Different Ways

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James Gleick once wrote, “We go back and forth between being time’s master and its victim.”

 In my twenties, I was a consumed by my mental conversations with myself. In my forties, I’m a tool to my reality. And, so is everyone else. Thoughts, time, and reality presses on me and I on it, but it has also done the same to my family. No amount of time could have prepared me for my emotional journey of caring for aging parents. Not directly caring for them but having to check in and ensure that I don’t need to take a flight home or drive and stay a week because they are sickly. Being far from home doesn’t ease anything.

Everything becomes a battle with time.  It only seems like yesterday that my parents were taking care of me and checking up on me, if I miss curfew. I say this with great experience and shrewdness, that I don’t care how financially ready you are, nothing is like watching a parent’s health diminish. Nothing is like watching time do her God given duty.

Aging Parents Are A Gift

The hardest part of growing up is realizing that your parents or parent are growing old.
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I’m learning that to be old and wise is a gift. And to be aging, well, that means you’re still alive. My parents are no exception and they do it with grace and little complaint. My mom has a bold attitude when something happens to her. I smile when she says, “it is what it is”. She lives by her faith, and that gives me hope and comfort. Though, sometimes I worry that she maybe in so much pain, that her statement, is more from the angle that life is hard and I’m ready when GOD is ready.

My parents have been victorious over their illnesses, and they’ve witness some of those same illnesses take the lives of family and friend.

Honestly, I am grateful for my parents physical and mental maturation. It’s scary when they experience sickness due to getting older or DNA kicking in, its been educational. I offer hope to those going through this to those they are experiencing the maturation or deterioration of their parent help. You must plan early for caring for your parent or parents. It may seem that the day will never come. I promise you it will.

Family And Planning

What ever it takes to ensure my parents, family are above the fray is what drives me. I’m overjoyed that I’m not alone with feeling this way. I’m grateful for my five siblings. It makes it easy for each of us to participate and have a role in caring for mom and dad. Honestly, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t consider my parents growing older when I choice my career path.

Flexibility in my career, education, and even my financial structure was all by design, to move freely and easily for my family. What I offer to families on planning for the care of parent, later in life or earlier, create flexibility in your life. Create financial stability and erect a career without borders or minimal borders. More importantly, if you are a only child, make sure you have stable and reliable family and friends you can depend on.

Living A Simple Adult Life At Any Adult Age

It’s essential to streamline or simplify your life at any age. Hans Hofmann once wrote, “The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak”. I believe there should be a measure for determining when and how much to do so.

The approach should be one based on where you can get real measures that will lead to valuable results. For instance, a good approach is measuring your life and activities from the beginning to the end of a decade. See where you are and make necessary adjustments before you take on your next 10 years.

In my view, this stems from the fact that you are 10 years older at the end of a decade. This is important because if you set goals, then your life choices probably evolve to ensure you meet said goals. You only get one life and because of that quality of life should always be built in everything you do.

For one thing you might choose to make daily events easier, minimize unimportant odds and ends. Also, eliminate unnecessary tasks that you carry forward from year to year that offer zero value, but only act as time fillers.

Notably, simplistic activities doesn’t mean that you sacrifice on quality or fun. Moreover, it doesn’t suggest that you’re giving up on life. It means that you are clearing your path to get to the things that matter most. It helps you get to the stuff that’s valuable and key in your life.

Make Life Easy Without Eliminating Quality And Embrace Local Offerings

In your 20s and 30s, there is no doubt that you can tolerate more extras than you can in your 40s and 50s. For example, in your 20s you probably spend/spent the weekend travelling 50 miles just to shop, bar hop, attend concerts, or just ride out. If you live within an inner city, don’t discount local grocery stores or butcher shops. Likewise, local bars can be rewarding. Establish yourself as a local and get special treatment. In addition, in my view, specialty shops or stores are unique in their offering. They can offer quality items as well. Shopping local in your neighborhood offers support.

Additionally, there are some other ways to make life easy. If you are a person that have a ton of commitments just to stay involve or networking, you might try narrowing commitments down to the top three. Reduce the overload and unrecognizable stress by scoping in key important activities. Scope out conditions that are just fillers.

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On the whole, quality is important as the years pass by. Grade A living is something to strive for. It’s not just what you buy. A degree of excellence means different things to different people. The ability to get from point A to D is about effectiveness and efficiency.

In reality, it should be with minimal difficulty or effort; this includes work, recreation, home living, social aptitude and a host of other life areas. Life is really simple, however you immerse add ins that make it convoluted. You must non-complicate the avenues of your life.

I Refuse To Age Ungracefully, I’m Having Too Much Fun Serving As An Aging Lady

I’m all for aging gracefully, but lately I feel as if my body is calibrating and preparing for 50. I’m still three years away from the midpoint of 100. However, as I live in my late 40s, I can’t help but wonder if my body’s change something I can get use to. I’m not sure if it’s accurate to say that a lot of women may not look forward to their late 40s and descending on toward 50, but I do. I don’t mind aging, I’m just trying to figure out how to deal and master the events that come with aging. Let’s just say, I intend to win or fight the good fight.

I’ve talk to the ladies in family, who have already conquered 40 and they make 50 simply marvelous. I’m learning a few important techniques to keep me striding along. I’ve had to detach from some old ways and rebel in the new.

Here is the current state of a lady in her 40s.

When I Say “I Don’t Care”, I Mean I’m In A Place Of Constant Meditation – Don’t Bother Me With The Insignificance Of Youthful Burdens

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Aging allows me and you to release a lot of concerns about insignificant situations that seems trivial and monumental in our 30s. I care a lot less about opinions, events, and situations that truly have no immediate or more than a three year effect on me. I don’t care if a man doesn’t return my call or reach out to me , even after I’ve reached out to him first. If I “shoot my shot” with a man, and he’s not receptive, I move on and laugh. No regrets and no ill feelings shall follow me. I let relationships go without explanation or conversation, because I don’t care to explain. I proceed with the attitude of, “I did what I did” and ” I said what I said”. Normally, because the most basic explanation at my age is, “it no longer works for me or benefits me”. This response is usually unacceptable because folk like long winded words.

It becomes a task trying to convince people, who require detail. If I choose to be a vegan later in my life, I don’t have to explain that to anyone. If I want to switch back to meat after two years, I do it. It’s my aging adult prerogative. There are key people in my life, that sharing is reserved for at this point. My current attitude, won’t sit well with the people who once knew me as the adventurer of long explanation and using words to coax their feelings.

I Am Not The Person Most People Use To Know

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When I was a child, it mattered to me what family thought. It mattered to me that I wasn’t the favored friend. As a teenager, I wanted to be the slender female, best friend, smartest, and most noticeable person around. I was reserve in expressing those wants, but I always worked toward achieving the necessary requirements to get me to those things. I’m light-skin and come from a family that has mixed roots. Mixed roots that are documented on the census. Folk always judge me by that light-skin and thought I was that uppity girl, but once that got to know me they realized I was cool. The truth is, I was concerned about how they saw me. I didn’t choose the color of my skin, but I choose my attitude, responses, and behavior, which are all used in making my character.

Now that I am older, after years of college educations, travel, meeting new people, more travel, driving my career…I’m not the same. I’m unrecognizable to most, they just to know it, cause the people of old, my earlier life, have not held a conversation with the 46 year old me. They see how I’ve grown and my difference by what they can gather from social media, but that’s nothing compared to sit down conversation with me.

I’ve Learned Not To Take Walking For Granted, It Makes All The Difference To Your Body

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Aging with grace means finding exercise that gets the job done, without breaking your bones and twisting up your muscles. I have rediscovered my love for walking and counting steps. My best investment over the past year is my FitBit. It makes me consciously responsible and I am able to gauge some important wellness data with my FitBit. My brother gave it to me for my 2018 birthday. I love it! I keep it close. Probably more closely than I kept my mobile. Walking improves the resting heart rate and my arthritis, thanks me for the steps that I graciously count on a daily bases.

I never knew that I could be so excited about walking as form cardio and step counting. Low impact or walking is the safe cardio and fat burning method after at 40.

Splurge On The Best Moisturizers And I Cannot Stress Hydrating Enough

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The one piece of my experience in my 40s that I find myself in a constant battle with is hydrating my skin, and finding a good moisture to sustain the hydration. I’ve always drink the proper intake of water. Maintaining beautiful skin is something that’s been at the top of my list way before now. Since enter my mid 40s, I’ve struggled with keeping my skin from dying out. I’ve increased my water intake, tried different skin moisture and hydration techniques. I’ve done research and had conversation with my primary care doctor. For a woman, skin hydration is a new battle in my mid 40s. It is also caused by the changes that’s going on in my body as I age and trek toward 50.

I don’t mind aging, but I refuse to struggle with aging. My investments in my wellness are important to me. I’ve talked mind, body, and soul on a few of my blog post. This is the critical trinity as you age. Learn what is available as you age and be ready, ladies, to invest in you. You will always be worth it.

20 Simple Things To Take Advantage Of In Your 40s, That Will Continue To Add Value To Your Days

In your 40s, life is another world in comparison to your 30s. When you arrive to your fabulous 40s you will know it. No matter how much you’ve prepared, there is nothing like the awaking you will receive. Your sleep habits change, you eat differently, a late night is 9pm, and your taste in music changes, if it hadn’t already. To be generous and forth coming, there are 20 simple things you can do in your 40s that will add value to your days.

  • Review your investments on a quarterly basis to ensure you are continuously making the right decision to ready for retirement.
  • If you haven’t done a double check on number 1, you might want to get to it. If you are not sure that you’ve made the right investments, then consult a reputable financial adviser. Readying for retirement is not an easy experience and not everyone is a finance wiz.
  • The idea of preventive care is brilliant. By the time you get to your 40s, your health should be carried out on the offense and not the defense. Offense is ensuring you are properly managing you preventive care.
  • Take vacations and short trips as much as possible. Work is demanding in your 40s, unless you’ve retired. There is value in nice beach towns and mountain towns.
  • Enjoy date nights with a person of interest or friends. You will probably date less often, but don’t let it completely fade away. Food is still good and conversation is always interesting.
  • If you enjoy wine or fine liquor, keep some close. A night cap every now and them will help you sleep well and it taste good.
  • Music is a must. If you have not given any thought to a good playlist in a couple of years, you might want to reestablish it. Music on your drive into work, drive home, or getting dress in the mornings can add some pep in your step.
  • If you have nieces and/or nephews, build a relationship with them. Offer some meaningful advice, because they are listening even when you think they are not. Provide guidance and teach them when those moments arise. If those moments don’t arrive, purposely create them, by reaching out and checking in on them. Family is family, blood is blood, and we don’t get to choose our DNA.
  • Accept what’s true, embrace the hurt, learn to heal, recover with regret and get up…stand tall.
  • Read the reports on sugar and understand why you must minimize or reduce your sugar intake. There is so much written on the effects of sugar and none of the reports are good. Minimizing it in your diet can make a lot of difference in your well being. You are not getting any younger, but you can age gracefully.
  • Don’t let sex slip away from you. Still enjoy a healthy and safe sex life. You are alive, well, and wiser…so enjoy your sexual appetite.
  • Embrace the arts (e.g., writers, stage play performers, composers of tedious instrumental music). Familiarize yourself with good writers of old and even those that write for television or motion pictures. Reading and writing in more than 120 characters will continue to influence your vocabulary and stretch your mind.
  • Travel by train, because it is relaxing and one of the most under experienced acts.
  • Forgive and forget, but don’t revisit the same bullshit that caused you pain. Learn to bury dead relationships and styles that belong to those that are 20 something.
  • Talk about men to your adult nieces and men talk about women to your adult nephews. Offer dating advice.
  • Drink lots of water, that means 64 ounces or MORE! Go with more.
  • Buy underwear and socks often. In fact, buy them every quarter.
  • Remember to laugh, so you don’t grow into a grumpy and complaining old man or woman.
  • Add a daily salad to your diet. You waist will think you for it.
  • Buy a Fitbit to remind you to get up and get your steps in each hour. Walking to stay mobile is important as you age. Again, your body will thank you. Daily steps help to ensure you work on your resting heart rate, but it also reminds you to get a form of daily exercise.