You show up when they need you most—you check-in when friends don’t need you at all. Importantly, you are the first to notice when your friends or best friend is in distress. Often, you’re the first to know when things don’t seem right with your bloke. Also, you know exactly what to bring to cheer up your best friend. You are simply one hello good friend and don’t you forget it.
“Friendship … is born at the moment when one man says to another “What! You too? I thought that no one but myself . . .” ― C.S. Lewis, The Four Loves
Honestly, you don’t try that hard. Being a good friend comes naturally. Moreover, you know what to say to sway the mood when there is hurt and grief in the friendship. The cure, the healing is all you. There is no denying your role. You know how to watch, and you know how to listen, and offer the best advice.
You Show Up And Show Out In Support Of Your Friends
There is no denying the devoted homie you are. You show up and stand by your friends through their insane commitments. If they need a plus one for happy hour, you come in kicking doors down. Rather it’s a skydiving date or a graduation ceremony to celebrate you bring the good times – the memorable moments. Also, you don’t hesitate to stand firm in the company of your friends. You’re the first to check their ass when they least expect it.
Their success is yours, and their injury or sickness is yours to heal.
Additionally, you compliment rare things unnoticeable by others. You love your friend’s handbag collection or cigar collection and won’t hesitate to take some for yourself.
You Know How To Bring The Wine And The Talk
Elbert Hubbard once wrote, “A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you.” The accommodating homeboy or home girl will toast you into eternity. Your cheers are one for the ages in celebration of anything that brings you’ll together. You know where to get the wine, ice cream, and the smokes and make it a date. Furthermore, you know when your homies are dating the jerk and when they’re the jerk. No glass of wine is too full for a conversation amongst friends.
Listen, the hardcore phase of the holiday season is here. To clarify, Thanksgiving is a wrap! Obviously, if you celebrated, you just participated in the last Thanksgiving of this decade. You made it through! Be grateful. It’s another Black Friday. Love it or hate it, if you managed your money right throughout the year, today can be rewarding. It must be said, there is so much more goods and services on sale than televisions.
Real quick, the holidays are sentimental, exciting, joyous, or depressing depending on the person or family member. There are events that only occur this time of the year that you can’t get any other time. The arts never disappoint and will regale you with plays that are only available, you guess it, now! You should appreciate a community theater or ballet that works diligently to pull off the Nutcracker, Grinch, or A Christmas Carol. These are the classics and they are in season.
Demystifying The Holiday Season
Truth be told, the title of this section is pushing sarcasm. Unquestionably, a lot folk use this time of the year to relax. Indeed, if you are one of those people, then enjoy the fireside, quiet, and your favorite beverage. Clearly, it’s been a long year. Additionally, the new year is on the way. Don’t let the morose mood sneak up on you and swallow you whole, especially if you spend this time of year alone.
You have to do things on purpose this time of year to repel the sullen and gloomy disposition. Food pantries and kitchen welcome volunteer services. Buy toys and give them out at a children’s hospital in your area. Do your research. No excuses. You, a good friend or family member are responsible to pull yourself out of your funky disposition.
It should be noted, this is a visual, audible, and olfactory time of the year. What this means is Christmas time is in your face and ears. You can smell Christmas in the air and taste it in your mouth on your tongue. Attitude is everything and it can drive you where you want to go and don’t. Moreover, you want to stay clear of being deemed the proverbial Grinch.
In short, you have to find balance during this season. Don’t let it consume you and deplete any of your joy.
As we embark on the turn of a new decade I’d like to take a gaze over the past 10 years and share some highlights of my life. Truth be told, I look back in astonishment and gratefulness. It’s not because everything was perfect and went according to plan, mainly because I learned how to navigate the ebbs and flows of my life. Above all, I’m hopeful of what will follow and what I’m okay with leaving behind.
It’s not always easy to share experiences because you are subject to judgement. Furthermore, you risk exposing yourself to folk with staunch opinions. Without a doubt the idea is too approach the person sharing their opinion with an open mind. In essences, this more about events that have happened and how it shaped or reshaped me.
I’m sure 2009 to 2019 had an impact on you too. This sounds like a cliché but I had the best and worst of times. I was able to soar higher than the decade before. Also, I had some landing moments that were not smooth. A bump ride here and there. I mean I did go into cardiac arrest in January 2018. It wasn’t part of my plans or goals, it happened and I lived.
I’m me and this is but a snippet of my decade story.
The Dawn Of The New Decade Began With 2009
In case you forgot, January 2009 was the inauguration of Obama’s first term in office. Four months later I would call northern Virginia home and Washington DC would be my new stomping ground. I vividly remember the start of the age, it was one of the coldest winters I have experienced to that date, only because I spent time with my brother in Alexandria VA. I would drive up from South Carolina and stay with him, well, because I was enacting some of my plans to conquer my goals. Achievement demands attention, activities, effort, and networking!
My networking and interviewing final materialized a grand result! In the spring of 2009, I had a major career change. It was a necessary upgrade. At age 36, I made a change in my career and life that would afford me the opportunity to achieve a few dreams. Folk, it worked out. Yes, in my mid 30s, I made a huge change which included uprooting my life.
My career was something that I began working seriously at the age of 26. When I use the word seriously, it means that I started planning a switch or major overhaul way before the 2009-2019 decade. The decade prior 2009, I was obtaining degrees and working as a cost accountant. In essence, I was acquiring the experience, skill, and knowledge to take a prepared leap of faith the following decade.
Spring Sprung On Me In 2009
Enter Spring 2009, after a winter of interviews around Washington DC and Alexandria Virginia, I landed a job that would drove the next phase of my career. At the age of 36, I left private business in healthcare insurance services and moved to Alexandria VA to purse my career as an auditor.
Luckily, I did not have any kids and I wasn’t married. My transition was a direct impact to me. However, it meant moving out the same state as my parents and at the time, the majority of my siblings were in South Carolina. I was building on my accounting career and leaving behind relationships I’d established, but the path to accomplishment required that I stay true and dedicated to my goals.
Staying True And Dedicated To My Goals
Listen, I was entering a world where I was leaving behind the private sector. I was giving up my own workstation to enter a world of traveling, extremes deadlines, and a field that is dominated by those who are fresh out of college. I entered my new job as a professional, but still I was amongst those who had only been out off college for 1-2 years. You should know that accomplishing my goals were worth the environment immersion that was about to experience.
Interesting enough, I had two bothers that were in the Northern VA and Washington DC area at the time. One had just made the transition only a couple of months before me. Both still reside there today, as do I.
The transition as far as living was doable. It was the least of my concern. My other bother had moved to the area at least 3 or 4 years earlier and it was home for him. Me entering a new living situation was eased because of him.
The entry into a new work style, yet still applying my current discipline and experience, was more of the challenge. Adapting to firm work and administrative task was the new objective. My approach was simple, be the hardest working person in the room and use what I know; what I don’t know, do research and adapt quickly. It helped and it worked. I made new friends and expand my colleague pool. It required staying involved in a lot of after work events and even hanging out on the week.
The first three years were busy and I established my reputation and name. I was challenged by folk and even bumped heads and people are pretty much people! Nothing new there!
Navigating Through A Robust Decade
As the world turns and it turned during 2010-2016. I enjoyed the transubstantiate of my skills. In addition, I was first diagnosed with degenerative arthritis, in my back and hip and the fact that I still had my mobility and spent at least three days at the gym.
I spent 2010 through 2016 indulging in as much travel as possible. In 2010, me and my best friend spent about 18 days in Europe after a long audit season. You have to understand, I’m a southern lady from a small town South Carolina. Never in a million years did I think I would be traveling through Europe at all, let alone for 18 day. The journey took us through Paris, Manheim, Prague, Zurich, Milan, Venice, and Roma.
This travel would be the highlight of the decade for me. I knew one thing about myself, when I first experience domestic travel, I wanted more than anything, to be recognized as a traveler. To this day, that has not changed. I spent time in cities aboard and at home, in the states. So much too see, and I had the schedule and funds to do it. My career move quickly increase my financial situation and was acquiring new marketable skills much faster working in the District versus in South Carolina.
In 2015, I left the initial firm I entered into in 2009 and landed at a Big 4. The Big 4 sector I worked in became it’s own company in 2018 and I’m still with them as this decade concludes.
The Mini Perils Of Life Showed Themselves
In 2016, I found myself having to have a second back surgey. My first took place when I was 29. This one was simple, it was to remove a cist off my L2. I had great insurance so I made it through this event. Plus I had my bother around. My back would become my mini project because I was aging. Arthritis was upon me and I had to heat and I’ve more. I endured stiffness when I awake and became concerned about my range of motion. Not to mention my weight started to increase. I fell in and out of trying to find solutions and well work was getting more demanding.
I went from auditing to consulting! This was a much more involved area and I spent more hours working. I was also pursuing certificates and taking classes to keep my skills marketable and on the cutting edge. I was hitting the gym in spurts at this point.
Wrapping Up Another Decade Known As The Home Stretch
I’m easing myself back into travel, but understands that after the PE and DVT I must proceed with certain regiments prior to travel.
I’m 10 years older at the end of this decade. Particularly, I was a smidgen over my mid 30s at the beginning and at the expiration, a bit over mid 40s. Longevity and conquering arthritis are my top priority. Career growth and sustainment and easier for me. I’ve learned a few things and have an approach to my path.
Family is tantamount and vacationing essential. Finding a daily workout routine that fits me is a goal. I have a few considerations and I hope they work.
My Hope For The Next 10 Year Epoch
My hope is to age gracefully. Importantly, understand what my late 40s and early 50s will bring. Unquestionably, plan for the next phase of my career because, I’m not getting younger. The most important goal is to ensure that I’m living in a city where I want to retire. Additionally, deciding and mapping out a doctorate or PHD program is part of the coming era.
I’m interesting in revitalizing my dating life. I’m a progressive yet a traditional southern lady with refine attributes. It should be noted that I’m not interesting pettifoggers. I love thinkers and those able to engage an intellectual conversation yet able to laugh and bring comedy. Whatever the next age introduces, I want to be more mature and wise as I approach events. My family is my centerpiece. I want to continue to spend as much time with them as possible.
Ultimately, a balance life is what I’m working toward and a daily exercise regiment that includes getting steps and some type of weight. Weight loss is my new plan. Yes, I know all the information that says it more difficult as you age. Diet is everything. I’ll leave you with this, when you figure out your career that path will be easy if you layout the approach and repeat the steps to growth when necessary. Lastly, health is wealth!
Listen, some people are going to walk out your life or leave you. However, you cannot fall apart every time this happens. You cannot take it personally. First thing to remember is that being human is no easy task. Your existence is constantly being challenge. The fortitude of your mental stability maybe delicate.
When someone walks away, you’ll always question your role in the situation. If you’re aware of events and able to take responsibility of anything you did, then life will be fine. If you’re strong enough, you’ll even forgive yourself, and offer an apology. At the same time, if you take too much responsibility you’ll spend your time blaming yourself. When a person leaves, and it has nothing to do with your actions, you might not be as accepting of that as you think. Some people just leave because some things end.
Accept That Some People Just Leave And Some things Come To An End
Look, the universe operates, and life happens. You’ve probably heard the saying, “all things come to an end”. The truth is, some things just come to an end. The life cycle of relationships is not always long lasting. Friendships sometimes become a distance relationship. It feels like they have ended, but in the spirit of friends, we move forward.
Endings won’t always provide you with a good closure. They won’t be the smooth cognitive transition that we long for as humans. Not all endings will provide the physical transition. The “one last time” connection you desire, cancel it. In most cases, you will be left more confuse. In spite of the emotion and physical satisfaction you need, going with logic may be you best way.
You Should Maintain A Healthy Balance Between Head And Heart
Some men are good at interjecting logic or critical thinking in any type of relationship. Women tend to be more emotional and operate from the heart. It is in your best interest to have balance between your emotions and logic. Man or woman, balance between emotion and reason is important.
You must not sway too much in either direction. For example, if you project to much logic, you might not be in touch with your feel. Hence, you should have firm grasp on how you feel, when everything is all said and done. Likewise, too much emotion may cause you to not consider logical point. Points where when people leave, it’s totally independent of anything having to do with you.
This Goes For All Types Of Relationships
Look, friends as well as lovers may walkout. This not just about relationships where folk are into imitate love consummated with sex. This is about any type of relationship. People will come and go, and some will stay. Whatever the connection, it makes the time memorable. When you look back of the course of your life, you will realize you had different types of relationship. Learn to handle the exits with grace.
With so much happening in the world and within cultures, it’s often hard to decipher where you should invest your trust. Unquestionably, you must nurture and respect your trust and ensure others do the same. Importantly, don’t ignore your trust, it shows others its valuable to you. Don’t allow anyone to misuse it or mistreat it. Guard your trust and be smart with it, no matter who demands it.
Truthfully, we often give our trust away with ease. Folk must earn your trust. I’m not saying be bitter. However, when you extend your trust, the person should be taking a victory lap to gain it. That means that have put in the work before you extend it. More importantly, if a person gives you their trust easily, then question it; especially if you are new too each other. Clearly, you don’t want to be given anything prematurely and have it rescinded when you make a small mistake.
Only Extend Your Trust Back To The Special Someone When You Are Ready
Above all, trust is a two way device. Indeed the expectation is if someone offers you trust, they will expect an offer back at some point in the immediate future. It’s critical to know that this should not be a deciding factor for you to just fling it away. Be conscious not to offer it up like Sunday dinner and your doing the family a favor.
Determine the right time and circumstances to extend the bridge to your trust. In fact, make them come get it, if they want it. This means you still hold fast to your beliefs. If they are will to do so, then you have attracted them. It should be noted that waiting to long might not sit well with the person. Again, it has to be right for you and not just because a person decides to trust you.
When Trust Becomes An Ultimatum Before It Is Ripe For The Sharing
Ultimatums are exhausting and simply comes with pressures. If you demand trust or the other person is demanding you trust them, this might not be a good thing. It may misfire. Trust as a deal breaker is fine and wanting to get to trust is even better. However, pressure to obtain or give anything to early will not have the best results. Timing is everything. Wait for it, wait for it! There must be a fine balance.
If Trust Is A Deal Breaker For You
If trust is a deal breaker then it is important that you find out if the person is capable of being trustworthy. This is often a delicate area, because with social media and expectations, trust is just hard. Mature individuals, who really connect will be better at gaining trust. Others will struggle with discussing the topic. If you find that wanting to talk about trust makes someone unease, you might not want to ignore that type of response.
Changing the subject and just no clear ability to articulate on the subject of trust is a obvious red flag. Honestly, it’s no magic formula when it come to the right time to trust. There are behavior and character traits to watch closely.
Find a good book on trust, in the area of psychology written by a credible profession for additional suggestions. In essence, do your research. Last, trust your gut.
We Are Wrapping Up Summer, This Means Fall Is Only Three Weeks Out
We have officially wrapped up what is know as the dog days of summer. The dog days of summer are the hottest days of the summer season. The most unbearable days following what is known as helical rising of the system Sirius according to Greek and Roman astrology. Generally, it’s synonymous with heat, drought, and storms.
We’ve happily arrive at September. We are heading into our last beach days. School is back in session on all levels. The opening day of college football is well, open. Also, Major League Baseball is more than half way over. Similarly, professional football is one week away from its start.
In fact, city people who have spent their summer at their beach houses have arrived back to the hustle and bustle of the concrete jungle. Summer break is over for teachers. The Federal Government is about to conclude its Fiscal Year 2019. Clearly, most backyard barbecues will give way to tailgating.
Fall Is On The Horizon And There Is Much To Look Forward To
Let’s talk fall activities. Undoubtedly, fall is a busy time of year. First, we need to calibrate into fall mode. Summer brings different events, responsibilities, and activities. For this reason, shifting in to a fall state of mind is necessary to plan and prepare for what’s to come.
Honestly, I’m ready for pumpkin spice, fall festivals and carnivals, and boots. Brown and orange leaves, are a hallmark of fall. It’s the time of year when weekends in the city belong to the locals. Furthermore, it’s a great time for fall travel. Smaller lines at museums means less wait times. In my opinion, it is the perfect time of year!
There Is A Uniqueness That Comes With Fall, Like Any Other Season And I’m Smitten
I want to unpack what fall means to me. Clearly, some of it is outlined above. Fall means a dip in temperature. It means every month, for the next four months, there is at least one holiday. As it happens, my favorite holidays are on the horizon.
Fall is a good time of year to get some charity work in, if you missed the opportunity during the spring and summer. It’s great time for traditional shows that put you into the fall feeling, like Harry Potter. My Harry Potter collection becomes the movies of choice during the autumn months. The days are cooling down and the nights are even cooler. My attire starts to change such that I move from flats to boots and cotton skirts to wool.
September and October is my time to take inventory of items in cupboard. For example, I make sure I have the proper hot teas and hot chocolate. Also, I order by dry goods for soups and chili. Truly, there is joy in reevaluating my food stock for fall and winter. I ensure proper transition to fall and winter goods and putting away summer linens and bring out the quilts.
One nation can’t have two queens, no more than a castle can have two kings. At this point, one must wave the white flag. My personal goals and dreams are at odds with my career. If you ask how can this be? Let me tell you it is possible. Unquestionable, I figured I had both structurally aligned. Turns out, I’m suffering from the fact they have competing interest or I have competing interest since I’m the vessel. I’ve spent so much time on my career attributes. My personal goals are now tapping me on the shoulder and to request attention.
Admittedly, I’m at a point in my adult life where my personal intentions are now conflicting with my with career endeavors, which offer a steady paycheck that pays the bills. I knew this day would come. The day of not feeding key areas of my life, and putting them on hold for career gains. I’m confident in career, employment is easy, and the day of being qualified has arrived. Conversely, this has provided me the opportunity to focus on some of my personal dreams that I had to put on hold.
The Promise I Made To Myself
In the days of old, of kings, queens, castles, houses, swords man, and great halls men put on shows to impress. They played their roles because that is what decorum required. Similarly, it’s not much different today except of castles and swords man. After years of setting up my career to impress and solidify my work ethic skill and reputation amongst the greats, I’m ready to focus on personal goals and ambitions. I’ve played my role and paid my dues.
Indeed, I made a promise to myself a long time ago not to pour all my energy into my career and not develop some of the more personal talents. My more personal talents, could have been my initial career. Nonetheless, I do what I must to put the show on in the great hall of my career. All the same, I’m refuse to neglect my tier 2 passions. Tier 2? Yes, may career is first and my personal passions are second. It’s time to cultivate the second.
My Spirit Requires More Than A 9 to 5 To Thrive
My 9 to 5 pays the bills and establishes a base. At the same time, my spirit needs more creativity. I need a more creative outlet. Yes, my blog does that, but so does travel and new food. Certainly, if I cold combine writing, travel, and food, I would have my spirit place.
The plan is to figure out how my personal and career obligations can coexist. The idea is ensure balance is present so my spirit can glow. The approach to not let my time for personal development and practices be at the mercy of my career. It means managing my time. In addition, reducing time spent in areas less rewarding.
Defining And Designing My Life In My Mid 40s
What’s a girl to do with dreams and plans. The only thing for me to do is see my goals, dreams, and plans through. I adjust them and make sure I have a realistic approach. Allow enough productive time for my personal goals. I leverage my career to assist the personal and my personal to assist the career. In summary, the real goal or gift to me would be to make my personal favors, my career. For now, I’ll settle with finding balance between the two.
There is glory in having a flexible career and learning how to secure the career money bag. Equally, there is more glory in cultivating your personal aspirations after 40. A word of advice, do it before 40 if you can.
Endurance is created during you times of struggle and need. You must fight to avoid the fall and even if you fall you must get up, try again, and keep going until you stick the landing. Victory is the result of falls and struggles that have been mastered. It is the results of lessons learned and improvements made. These are just some of the activities for those on the road to being legends. Now, go to your destiny.