If the constant need to prove yourself is exhausting, you are not alone. As much as you try to limit technology, sometimes it is impossible – time is of the essence.
Technology rules a sizable portion of your life– on some small scale, you can’t function without it. We read online, research online communicates, order food online, and so much more. To break this current type of behavior, and you can only do it short-term, you must purposely check out activities for a period. It is essential to free yourself from the technostress that may seep in and work on you in the background.
Unbury Your Head To Have More Personal Time
It is true you bury your head in the phone, laptop, and any other gadget. And attempting to lessen this type of activity probably feels impossible. Here is the good part, you are not alone. The flow of time waits on one, so do not forget to grab some of that for yourself.
The quickest way to gain more time in your favor is to note the amount of time you spend online. The best app creators collect data regarding the amount of time you spend online. Some app creators reissue this information to you in analytical stats – take advantage of it and use it in your favor. Look, try to regain as much passive online time as possible and put it toward some form of self-care activity. You will not regret it.
No Guarantees And No Regrets
No regrets are easier said than done. There is no guarantee that time will work itself out if you do not grab at it.
Making time means shifting it from one place to another. You hear all the time that time waits on no man or woman. Not giving two f*k*s is not the focus here. It is not about caring less what someone else thinks. It is not about knowing you did your own thing on a whim. There is no guarantee that at some point, you will not go through a conscious break. Notably, no regrets mean you had rationally assessed the situation that stands before you and made the best possible outcome for your mental self. You give so much time to the things this modern world throws at you on the mainstream front.
“Go ahead and live with your head held high. No matter how devastated you may be by your own weakness or uselessness, set your heart ablaze. Grit your teeth and look straight ahead. Even if you stop and crouch down, time won’t wait for you or snuggle you and grieve along with you.” – Kyojuro Rengoku, Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba
When I was young, I would often think about my future and what would come of it. I envisioned the usual life events of a prominent career, marriage, nieces, nephews, trips abroad, and domestic. But nothing is utopia all the time, not even my thoughts. Especially any that would suffocate my mind about my parents one day being fragile and aging. Knowing their youthful appearance and energy would give way to walkers and canes.
I wasn’t the only one who carried the melancholy of such vivid imagery. My siblings were too. As we would move through life, we would occasionally discuss how we should care for our aging parents. And, what it means to be ready when those future days happen.
My parents are the center of my universe. They gave me life and never held me back. Though overprotective, what else would you expect from southern small town parents. Their support has always been noticeable. I’ve always been concerned about their life, especially after my siblings and I were grown and on to our own life.
My brothers and sister would often conversate about life, its essence, and what each of us would like to experience as we move through the decades. Time passes quickly when you’re creating the life you want. Meanwhile, we grew up and left our parents nest, as they were continuing to create their life without us. Grand kids born, birthdays celebrated, holidays, deaths mourned, and then one day we looked up from our lives and realized our visions about our parents getting old, were reality.
Time Passes And Lays Its Hands On Each Of Us In Different Ways
James Gleick once wrote, “We go back and forth between being time’s master and its victim.”
In my twenties, I was a consumed by my mental conversations with myself. In my forties, I’m a tool to my reality. And, so is everyone else. Thoughts, time, and reality presses on me and I on it, but it has also done the same to my family. No amount of time could have prepared me for my emotional journey of caring for aging parents. Not directly caring for them but having to check in and ensure that I don’t need to take a flight home or drive and stay a week because they are sickly. Being far from home doesn’t ease anything.
Everything becomes a battle with time. It only seems like yesterday that my parents were taking care of me and checking up on me, if I miss curfew. I say this with great experience and shrewdness, that I don’t care how financially ready you are, nothing is like watching a parent’s health diminish. Nothing is like watching time do her God given duty.
Aging Parents Are A Gift
I’m learning that to be old and wise is a gift. And to be aging, well, that means you’re still alive. My parents are no exception and they do it with grace and little complaint. My mom has a bold attitude when something happens to her. I smile when she says, “it is what it is”. She lives by her faith, and that gives me hope and comfort. Though, sometimes I worry that she maybe in so much pain, that her statement, is more from the angle that life is hard and I’m ready when GOD is ready.
My parents have been victorious over their illnesses, and they’ve witness some of those same illnesses take the lives of family and friend.
Honestly, I am grateful for my parents physical and mental maturation. It’s scary when they experience sickness due to getting older or DNA kicking in, its been educational. I offer hope to those going through this to those they are experiencing the maturation or deterioration of their parent help. You must plan early for caring for your parent or parents. It may seem that the day will never come. I promise you it will.
Family And Planning
What ever it takes to ensure my parents, family are above the fray is what drives me. I’m overjoyed that I’m not alone with feeling this way. I’m grateful for my five siblings. It makes it easy for each of us to participate and have a role in caring for mom and dad. Honestly, I would be lying if I said that I didn’t consider my parents growing older when I choice my career path.
Flexibility in my career, education, and even my financial structure was all by design, to move freely and easily for my family. What I offer to families on planning for the care of parent, later in life or earlier, create flexibility in your life. Create financial stability and erect a career without borders or minimal borders. More importantly, if you are a only child, make sure you have stable and reliable family and friends you can depend on.
Be fearless about the love you have for yourself and inspire that love. Protect it from social pressures that come to deceive it. Fearless is different things to different people. Loving yourself, well that also means something different to each of us. Lucille Ball once said, ” “Love yourself first and everything else falls into line.” You must be daring when it comes to matters of self. Indeed, protect your sacred space rather physical, mental, or environmental. Equally, receive the respect you deserve and not let anyone manipulate those spaces.
Learn to love yourself without any boundaries and be candid in that love.Jerry Corsten said, “Loving yourself starts with liking yourself, which starts with respecting yourself, which starts with thinking of yourself in positive ways.”
Know Yourself Enough To Be Aware Of Unexpected Merciless Influences
Loving yourself goes together with knowing yourself. Notably, there are movements and messages of empowerment flowing from multiple direction encouraging you to love you. Equally, there are subliminal messages that may make you feel less than a person in your current existence. Moreover, these activities suggest you should look like this or look like that physically. And, if you do not fit the current mainstream standard, you might see yourself as a mess. You might feel like you do not fit. Truth be told, many of times the current social standards are brutal and hasty.
With an abundance of social activities in your face, the challenge is finding forthright, but smart passion of how you should love and know you. You should never let social media marketing fully persuade your self-discovery. Furthermore, do not let it determine how much you should or should not love and appreciate yourself. Consequently, if you do, your approach to mental, physical, and spiritual style will fluctuate with the latest trends.
On Purpose Selection Is Better Than Unbeknownst Manipulation
In reality, you will more likely gravitated to things if others do the same. For example, you might think that if the masses do it, then it must be proper. For this reason, you should open your eyes and be aware that some social corners market fear of not fitting in. Avoid the manipulation by truly understanding what is pertinent to your existing self. Ask yourself:
What do you like, what makes you happy?
How does this improve you in the short run and long run?
Will this cost me more than I am willing to pay?
What will I lose and am I okay with taking the lost?
While, there is nothing wrong with improving yourself, make sure you do it for the right reasons. Significantly, you want to be able to build on any layer you lay on the foundation of oneself. In other words, make it an on purpose selection and a conscious selection. What this means is, the more you love you, the more you know and understand who you are. You will know how to add value to your physical, mental, and spiritual self without social pressures being the dominant factor.
Seek the appropriate influence. You will recognize it when you see it, when you authentically love and know your diverse self.
As a result of loving yourself, this in no form means you should be irresponsible in your acts and attitudes. It means understanding that if you take loving yourself to a point where it is disruptive, disrespectful, and public demeaning your execution requires guidance. There must be a delicate balance between loving yourself while on the journey of self-discovery.
In closing, C.G. Jung once wrote, “until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate.”
It’s essential to streamline or simplify your life at any age. Hans Hofmann once wrote, “The ability to simplify means to eliminate the unnecessary so that the necessary may speak”. I believe there should be a measure for determining when and how much to do so.
The approach should be one based on where you can get real measures that will lead to valuable results. For instance, a good approach is measuring your life and activities from the beginning to the end of a decade. See where you are and make necessary adjustments before you take on your next 10 years.
In my view, this stems from the fact that you are 10 years older at the end of a decade. This is important because if you set goals, then your life choices probably evolve to ensure you meet said goals. You only get one life and because of that quality of life should always be built in everything you do.
For one thing you might choose to make daily events easier, minimize unimportant odds and ends. Also, eliminate unnecessary tasks that you carry forward from year to year that offer zero value, but only act as time fillers.
Notably, simplistic activities doesn’t mean that you sacrifice on quality or fun. Moreover, it doesn’t suggest that you’re giving up on life. It means that you are clearing your path to get to the things that matter most. It helps you get to the stuff that’s valuable and key in your life.
Make Life Easy Without Eliminating Quality And Embrace Local Offerings
In your 20s and 30s, there is no doubt that you can tolerate more extras than you can in your 40s and 50s. For example, in your 20s you probably spend/spent the weekend travelling 50 miles just to shop, bar hop, attend concerts, or just ride out. If you live within an inner city, don’t discount local grocery stores or butcher shops. Likewise, local bars can be rewarding. Establish yourself as a local and get special treatment. In addition, in my view, specialty shops or stores are unique in their offering. They can offer quality items as well. Shopping local in your neighborhood offers support.
Additionally, there are some other ways to make life easy. If you are a person that have a ton of commitments just to stay involve or networking, you might try narrowing commitments down to the top three. Reduce the overload and unrecognizable stress by scoping in key important activities. Scope out conditions that are just fillers.
On the whole, quality is important as the years pass by. Grade A living is something to strive for. It’s not just what you buy. A degree of excellence means different things to different people. The ability to get from point A to D is about effectiveness and efficiency.
In reality, it should be with minimal difficulty or effort; this includes work, recreation, home living, social aptitude and a host of other life areas. Life is really simple, however you immerse add ins that make it convoluted. You must non-complicate the avenues of your life.
As we embark on the turn of a new decade I’d like to take a gaze over the past 10 years and share some highlights of my life. Truth be told, I look back in astonishment and gratefulness. It’s not because everything was perfect and went according to plan, mainly because I learned how to navigate the ebbs and flows of my life. Above all, I’m hopeful of what will follow and what I’m okay with leaving behind.
It’s not always easy to share experiences because you are subject to judgement. Furthermore, you risk exposing yourself to folk with staunch opinions. Without a doubt the idea is too approach the person sharing their opinion with an open mind. In essences, this more about events that have happened and how it shaped or reshaped me.
I’m sure 2009 to 2019 had an impact on you too. This sounds like a cliché but I had the best and worst of times. I was able to soar higher than the decade before. Also, I had some landing moments that were not smooth. A bump ride here and there. I mean I did go into cardiac arrest in January 2018. It wasn’t part of my plans or goals, it happened and I lived.
I’m me and this is but a snippet of my decade story.
The Dawn Of The New Decade Began With 2009
In case you forgot, January 2009 was the inauguration of Obama’s first term in office. Four months later I would call northern Virginia home and Washington DC would be my new stomping ground. I vividly remember the start of the age, it was one of the coldest winters I have experienced to that date, only because I spent time with my brother in Alexandria VA. I would drive up from South Carolina and stay with him, well, because I was enacting some of my plans to conquer my goals. Achievement demands attention, activities, effort, and networking!
My networking and interviewing final materialized a grand result! In the spring of 2009, I had a major career change. It was a necessary upgrade. At age 36, I made a change in my career and life that would afford me the opportunity to achieve a few dreams. Folk, it worked out. Yes, in my mid 30s, I made a huge change which included uprooting my life.
My career was something that I began working seriously at the age of 26. When I use the word seriously, it means that I started planning a switch or major overhaul way before the 2009-2019 decade. The decade prior 2009, I was obtaining degrees and working as a cost accountant. In essence, I was acquiring the experience, skill, and knowledge to take a prepared leap of faith the following decade.
Spring Sprung On Me In 2009
Enter Spring 2009, after a winter of interviews around Washington DC and Alexandria Virginia, I landed a job that would drove the next phase of my career. At the age of 36, I left private business in healthcare insurance services and moved to Alexandria VA to purse my career as an auditor.
Luckily, I did not have any kids and I wasn’t married. My transition was a direct impact to me. However, it meant moving out the same state as my parents and at the time, the majority of my siblings were in South Carolina. I was building on my accounting career and leaving behind relationships I’d established, but the path to accomplishment required that I stay true and dedicated to my goals.
Staying True And Dedicated To My Goals
Listen, I was entering a world where I was leaving behind the private sector. I was giving up my own workstation to enter a world of traveling, extremes deadlines, and a field that is dominated by those who are fresh out of college. I entered my new job as a professional, but still I was amongst those who had only been out off college for 1-2 years. You should know that accomplishing my goals were worth the environment immersion that was about to experience.
Interesting enough, I had two bothers that were in the Northern VA and Washington DC area at the time. One had just made the transition only a couple of months before me. Both still reside there today, as do I.
The transition as far as living was doable. It was the least of my concern. My other bother had moved to the area at least 3 or 4 years earlier and it was home for him. Me entering a new living situation was eased because of him.
The entry into a new work style, yet still applying my current discipline and experience, was more of the challenge. Adapting to firm work and administrative task was the new objective. My approach was simple, be the hardest working person in the room and use what I know; what I don’t know, do research and adapt quickly. It helped and it worked. I made new friends and expand my colleague pool. It required staying involved in a lot of after work events and even hanging out on the week.
The first three years were busy and I established my reputation and name. I was challenged by folk and even bumped heads and people are pretty much people! Nothing new there!
Navigating Through A Robust Decade
As the world turns and it turned during 2010-2016. I enjoyed the transubstantiate of my skills. In addition, I was first diagnosed with degenerative arthritis, in my back and hip and the fact that I still had my mobility and spent at least three days at the gym.
I spent 2010 through 2016 indulging in as much travel as possible. In 2010, me and my best friend spent about 18 days in Europe after a long audit season. You have to understand, I’m a southern lady from a small town South Carolina. Never in a million years did I think I would be traveling through Europe at all, let alone for 18 day. The journey took us through Paris, Manheim, Prague, Zurich, Milan, Venice, and Roma.
This travel would be the highlight of the decade for me. I knew one thing about myself, when I first experience domestic travel, I wanted more than anything, to be recognized as a traveler. To this day, that has not changed. I spent time in cities aboard and at home, in the states. So much too see, and I had the schedule and funds to do it. My career move quickly increase my financial situation and was acquiring new marketable skills much faster working in the District versus in South Carolina.
In 2015, I left the initial firm I entered into in 2009 and landed at a Big 4. The Big 4 sector I worked in became it’s own company in 2018 and I’m still with them as this decade concludes.
The Mini Perils Of Life Showed Themselves
In 2016, I found myself having to have a second back surgey. My first took place when I was 29. This one was simple, it was to remove a cist off my L2. I had great insurance so I made it through this event. Plus I had my bother around. My back would become my mini project because I was aging. Arthritis was upon me and I had to heat and I’ve more. I endured stiffness when I awake and became concerned about my range of motion. Not to mention my weight started to increase. I fell in and out of trying to find solutions and well work was getting more demanding.
I went from auditing to consulting! This was a much more involved area and I spent more hours working. I was also pursuing certificates and taking classes to keep my skills marketable and on the cutting edge. I was hitting the gym in spurts at this point.
Wrapping Up Another Decade Known As The Home Stretch
I’m easing myself back into travel, but understands that after the PE and DVT I must proceed with certain regiments prior to travel.
I’m 10 years older at the end of this decade. Particularly, I was a smidgen over my mid 30s at the beginning and at the expiration, a bit over mid 40s. Longevity and conquering arthritis are my top priority. Career growth and sustainment and easier for me. I’ve learned a few things and have an approach to my path.
Family is tantamount and vacationing essential. Finding a daily workout routine that fits me is a goal. I have a few considerations and I hope they work.
My Hope For The Next 10 Year Epoch
My hope is to age gracefully. Importantly, understand what my late 40s and early 50s will bring. Unquestionably, plan for the next phase of my career because, I’m not getting younger. The most important goal is to ensure that I’m living in a city where I want to retire. Additionally, deciding and mapping out a doctorate or PHD program is part of the coming era.
I’m interesting in revitalizing my dating life. I’m a progressive yet a traditional southern lady with refine attributes. It should be noted that I’m not interesting pettifoggers. I love thinkers and those able to engage an intellectual conversation yet able to laugh and bring comedy. Whatever the next age introduces, I want to be more mature and wise as I approach events. My family is my centerpiece. I want to continue to spend as much time with them as possible.
Ultimately, a balance life is what I’m working toward and a daily exercise regiment that includes getting steps and some type of weight. Weight loss is my new plan. Yes, I know all the information that says it more difficult as you age. Diet is everything. I’ll leave you with this, when you figure out your career that path will be easy if you layout the approach and repeat the steps to growth when necessary. Lastly, health is wealth!
You have to stand up for yourself and not be the victim of being taken for granted by family, friends, and/or others. You have the right to stop people who over abuse their asking power or position. Some people only come to you when it benefits them. Don’t let Cersei Lannister type people have a huge footprint in your life. Find the Arya Starks, they are much more satisfying in the long run. They will balance you along the way, and help you avenge what must be avenged. They will ensure that others treat you fair and may even go to battle on your behalf. Find your allies, you’ll need them when the vultures ensue. Now, go to your daily destiny!!!
I could discuss life all day with family, friends and strangers. All of the delicate and harsh experiences that happens. I’ve listen to some noteworthy experiences from people I know and people I meet in my travels. Nothing is more important than a mature conversation amongst family, friends and strangers. Sharing of ones lore can be meaningful and build new bridges between people where none existed.
The window to the world, consist of experiencing views or listening to others sharing traditions of culture, travel, food and family beliefs. It is how we identify our likeness and expand and build on our base and edify more than just your mind. The proper contact will edify the common base in life, the things you are accustom to in life. What you eat and drink and what you do before you go to bed at night will evolve. The experience is worth it, through the proper approach. The bottom line is to edify your life to grow ones self, now go to your daily destiny.
In a world where striving to find your own unique identify and going against the choices of the mainstream wave is often ridiculed, we must fight to find, refine and sustain our uniqueness. E.E Cummings once wrote “to be nobody but yourself, in a world which is doing its best, night and day, to make you everybody else- means to fight the hardest battle which any human being can fight.” The individual human being must value what makes him or her important and different, even in the midst of group pressure and mainstream hype. Being who you are, without being made over, just to fit in with the norm requires full awareness.
Finding the courage and the audacity to be yourself, your own unique self will serve you best. There is nothing selfish, about discovering your own distinct identity and searching for it in order to preserve and sustain it. Self care must be practice and in order to maximize the practice, you must be aware of what you need, to recognize yourself . If you feel like you cannot tell where you end and someone else begins, then your distinctness as an individual is being challenged or slowly drifting away.
You may still be discovering your idiosyncratic self style and thought. There will be cultural and environmental influences which, may sub-consciously drive you. How do you bring those into your full conscious? You have to spend some time with yourself and take feedback from someone you trust who will be objective. You have to want to find yourself and be okay avoiding most of the hype, exist today. It’s not impossible, but it takes work to discovery you and not feel awkward for feel in your skin. Most of the time that awkward feeling is perpetuated by what we think others my think of us. You are always worth any improvements or non-mainstream changes you want to make to yourself, especially of it means getting to you. Go to your daily destiny.