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To The Ladies Who Appreciate That Real Male Friend

To the woman with a reliable and trustworthy male friend, please do not him for granted. He knows you better than most, and surprisingly to an outsider, what they cannot see is, he offers sound advice. There is no secret expectation that causes you trouble or worry. He admires you just as you are. Moreover, you count on him for honest conversation, and he provides genuine comfort. He is your proverbial shoulder to cry on despite what others may think. You are a lucky duck to hold topics of discussion where he brings a proper male perspective. There is no way to say that a male bestie is just as valuable is a female bestie – so you show it by having his back too.

You Are Grateful For The Shared And Liked Pastimes

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It is all about the connection to that male friend. He knows the gossip, the tea, and the dirty. Sometimes you need that male point of view-raw, and uncut is what you will get. You are in for some of the funniest and sentimental moments. If you a female who likes sport and likes the same jokes, it is a relationship for the ages. You read the same genre of books, but you are not twins. You respect each other’s differences in taste. The theme park, check Thai food, match, vacation at the beach, hell no – you prefer the wine country.

He will celebrate with you and nicely scold you at the same time. You had better make sure you are a great friend back. Protect him at all costs because others are watching and can’t figure out the authentic connections.

There Is No Better Connection Than Your Male Friend

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Do not let anyone question your connection to him. Importantly, he is your male friend for reasons unbeknownst to strangers. Looking from the outside into your friendship will puzzle some people. People may never understand how you can share your joys, failures, relationship pangs, and successes with him.

Moreover, it will be a puzzle to others how he can share his thoughts, worries, wins, and losses with you – and walk away with good advice. But it is the connection you have nurtured and grown with each other through time that counts. That is your friendship win. The level of trust you each share is because of the bond where you put in the work. That feeling of enchantment and magic is due to the soulful kinship infinite flow from each other.

It Is Not About Romance Though It Feels Romantic

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It is an adventure that is a common language to have him as your number uno counterpart. And, if adventure is a form of romance, then you embody it. It is the symbol on your back and the same symbol on his chest. It is a wholesome friendship. Importantly, it is not one that you just give away or takeaway because you disagree. It’s more gives than take and more listen than talk. And, at times, it’s not about saying anything.

It is ice cream when you have a sweet tooth and a phone call when you need a voice more than you need the words. Understanding keeps the bond solid, and forgiveness keeps it lasting through the years. You constantly say to yourself, “I cannot think of a life without him.” But if it ever happens, it will be a slow recovery with tears and a lot of junk food.

“What is a friend? A single soul dwelling in two bodies.” ― Aristotle

You’re In The Great Holiday Season Now

Listen, the hardcore phase of the holiday season is here. To clarify, Thanksgiving is a wrap! Obviously, if you celebrated, you just participated in the last Thanksgiving of this decade. You made it through! Be grateful. It’s another Black Friday. Love it or hate it, if you managed your money right throughout the year, today can be rewarding. It must be said, there is so much more goods and services on sale than televisions.

Real quick, the holidays are sentimental, exciting, joyous, or depressing depending on the person or family member. There are events that only occur this time of the year that you can’t get any other time. The arts never disappoint and will regale you with plays that are only available, you guess it, now! You should appreciate a community theater or ballet that works diligently to pull off the Nutcracker, Grinch, or A Christmas Carol. These are the classics and they are in season.

Demystifying The Holiday Season

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Truth be told, the title of this section is pushing sarcasm. Unquestionably, a lot folk use this time of the year to relax. Indeed, if you are one of those people, then enjoy the fireside, quiet, and your favorite beverage. Clearly, it’s been a long year. Additionally, the new year is on the way. Don’t let the morose mood sneak up on you and swallow you whole, especially if you spend this time of year alone.

You have to do things on purpose this time of year to repel the sullen and gloomy disposition. Food pantries and kitchen welcome volunteer services. Buy toys and give them out at a children’s hospital in your area. Do your research. No excuses. You, a good friend or family member are responsible to pull yourself out of your funky disposition.

It should be noted, this is a visual, audible, and olfactory time of the year. What this means is Christmas time is in your face and ears. You can smell Christmas in the air and taste it in your mouth on your tongue. Attitude is everything and it can drive you where you want to go and don’t. Moreover, you want to stay clear of being deemed the proverbial Grinch.

In short, you have to find balance during this season. Don’t let it consume you and deplete any of your joy.

Happy Holidays Or Merry Christmas

A Review Of The Past 10 Years Of My Life As I Take My Decade Victory Lap

As we embark on the turn of a new decade I’d like to take a gaze over the past 10 years and share some highlights of my life. Truth be told, I look back in astonishment and gratefulness. It’s not because everything was perfect and went according to plan, mainly because I learned how to navigate the ebbs and flows of my life. Above all, I’m hopeful of what will follow and what I’m okay with leaving behind.

It’s not always easy to share experiences because you are subject to judgement. Furthermore, you risk exposing yourself to folk with staunch opinions. Without a doubt the idea is too approach the person sharing their opinion with an open mind. In essences, this more about events that have happened and how it shaped or reshaped me.

I’m sure 2009 to 2019 had an impact on you too. This sounds like a cliché but I had the best and worst of times. I was able to soar higher than the decade before. Also, I had some landing moments that were not smooth. A bump ride here and there. I mean I did go into cardiac arrest in January 2018. It wasn’t part of my plans or goals, it happened and I lived.

I’m me and this is but a snippet of my decade story.

The Dawn Of The New Decade Began With 2009

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In case you forgot, January 2009 was the inauguration of Obama’s first term in office. Four months later I would call northern Virginia home and Washington DC would be my new stomping ground. I vividly remember the start of the age, it was one of the coldest winters I have experienced to that date, only because I spent time with my brother in Alexandria VA. I would drive up from South Carolina and stay with him, well, because I was enacting some of my plans to conquer my goals. Achievement demands attention, activities, effort, and networking!

My networking and interviewing final materialized a grand result! In the spring of 2009, I had a major career change. It was a necessary upgrade. At age 36, I made a change in my career and life that would afford me the opportunity to achieve a few dreams. Folk, it worked out. Yes, in my mid 30s, I made a huge change which included uprooting my life.

My career was something that I began working seriously at the age of 26. When I use the word seriously, it means that I started planning a switch or major overhaul way before the 2009-2019 decade. The decade prior 2009, I was obtaining degrees and working as a cost accountant. In essence, I was acquiring the experience, skill, and knowledge to take a prepared leap of faith the following decade.

Spring Sprung On Me In 2009

Enter Spring 2009, after a winter of interviews around Washington DC and Alexandria Virginia, I landed a job that would drove the next phase of my career. At the age of 36, I left private business in healthcare insurance services and moved to Alexandria VA to purse my career as an auditor.

Luckily, I did not have any kids and I wasn’t married. My transition was a direct impact to me. However, it meant moving out the same state as my parents and at the time, the majority of my siblings were in South Carolina. I was building on my accounting career and leaving behind relationships I’d established, but the path to accomplishment required that I stay true and dedicated to my goals.

Staying True And Dedicated To My Goals

Listen, I was entering a world where I was leaving behind the private sector. I was giving up my own workstation to enter a world of traveling, extremes deadlines, and a field that is dominated by those who are fresh out of college. I entered my new job as a professional, but still I was amongst those who had only been out off college for 1-2 years. You should know that accomplishing my goals were worth the environment immersion that was about to experience.

Interesting enough, I had two bothers that were in the Northern VA and Washington DC area at the time. One had just made the transition only a couple of months before me. Both still reside there today, as do I.

The transition as far as living was doable. It was the least of my concern. My other bother had moved to the area at least 3 or 4 years earlier and it was home for him. Me entering a new living situation was eased because of him.

The entry into a new work style, yet still applying my current discipline and experience, was more of the challenge. Adapting to firm work and administrative task was the new objective. My approach was simple, be the hardest working person in the room and use what I know; what I don’t know, do research and adapt quickly. It helped and it worked. I made new friends and expand my colleague pool. It required staying involved in a lot of after work events and even hanging out on the week.

The first three years were busy and I established my reputation and name. I was challenged by folk and even bumped heads and people are pretty much people! Nothing new there!

Navigating Through A Robust Decade

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As the world turns and it turned during 2010-2016. I enjoyed the transubstantiate of my skills. In addition, I was first diagnosed with degenerative arthritis, in my back and hip and the fact that I still had my mobility and spent at least three days at the gym.

I spent 2010 through 2016 indulging in as much travel as possible. In 2010, me and my best friend spent about 18 days in Europe after a long audit season. You have to understand, I’m a southern lady from a small town South Carolina. Never in a million years did I think I would be traveling through Europe at all, let alone for 18 day. The journey took us through Paris, Manheim, Prague, Zurich, Milan, Venice, and Roma.

This travel would be the highlight of the decade for me. I knew one thing about myself, when I first experience domestic travel, I wanted more than anything, to be recognized as a traveler. To this day, that has not changed. I spent time in cities aboard and at home, in the states. So much too see, and I had the schedule and funds to do it. My career move quickly increase my financial situation and was acquiring new marketable skills much faster working in the District versus in South Carolina.

In 2015, I left the initial firm I entered into in 2009 and landed at a Big 4. The Big 4 sector I worked in became it’s own company in 2018 and I’m still with them as this decade concludes.

The Mini Perils Of Life Showed Themselves

In 2016, I found myself having to have a second back surgey. My first took place when I was 29. This one was simple, it was to remove a cist off my L2. I had great insurance so I made it through this event. Plus I had my bother around. My back would become my mini project because I was aging. Arthritis was upon me and I had to heat and I’ve more. I endured stiffness when I awake and became concerned about my range of motion. Not to mention my weight started to increase. I fell in and out of trying to find solutions and well work was getting more demanding.

I went from auditing to consulting! This was a much more involved area and I spent more hours working. I was also pursuing certificates and taking classes to keep my skills marketable and on the cutting edge. I was hitting the gym in spurts at this point.

Wrapping Up Another Decade Known As The Home Stretch

What can I say about the last two years of this decade. Well, if you happened to have read one of my post where I discuss the pulmonary embolism and DVT I suffered in January 2018; you know that was a huge circumstance for me. This event sideline me for most of the year. I traveled less and at a point where I had invested in my travels. Listen, the PE and DVT scared me and change portions of my life. I have to travel smarter and pay closer attention to body these days.

I’m easing myself back into travel, but understands that after the PE and DVT I must proceed with certain regiments prior to travel.

I’m 10 years older at the end of this decade. Particularly, I was a smidgen over my mid 30s at the beginning and at the expiration, a bit over mid 40s. Longevity and conquering arthritis are my top priority. Career growth and sustainment and easier for me. I’ve learned a few things and have an approach to my path.

Family is tantamount and vacationing essential. Finding a daily workout routine that fits me is a goal. I have a few considerations and I hope they work.

My Hope For The Next 10 Year Epoch

My hope is to age gracefully. Importantly, understand what my late 40s and early 50s will bring. Unquestionably, plan for the next phase of my career because, I’m not getting younger. The most important goal is to ensure that I’m living in a city where I want to retire. Additionally, deciding and mapping out a doctorate or PHD program is part of the coming era.

I’m interesting in revitalizing my dating life. I’m a progressive yet a traditional southern lady with refine attributes. It should be noted that I’m not interesting pettifoggers. I love thinkers and those able to engage an intellectual conversation yet able to laugh and bring comedy. Whatever the next age introduces, I want to be more mature and wise as I approach events. My family is my centerpiece. I want to continue to spend as much time with them as possible.

Ultimately, a balance life is what I’m working toward and a daily exercise regiment that includes getting steps and some type of weight. Weight loss is my new plan. Yes, I know all the information that says it more difficult as you age. Diet is everything. I’ll leave you with this, when you figure out your career that path will be easy if you layout the approach and repeat the steps to growth when necessary. Lastly, health is wealth!

Some People Are Going To Walk Out Of Your life And You Cannot Fall Apart Every Time It Happens

Listen, some people are going to walk out your life or leave you. However, you cannot fall apart every time this happens. You cannot take it personally. First thing to remember is that being human is no easy task. Your existence is constantly being challenge. The fortitude of your mental stability maybe delicate.

When someone walks away, you’ll always question your role in the situation. If you’re aware of events and able to take responsibility of anything you did, then life will be fine. If you’re strong enough, you’ll even forgive yourself, and offer an apology. At the same time, if you take too much responsibility you’ll spend your time blaming yourself. When a person leaves, and it has nothing to do with your actions, you might not be as accepting of that as you think. Some people just leave because some things end.

Accept That Some People Just Leave And Some things Come To An End

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Look, the universe operates, and life happens. You’ve probably heard the saying, “all things come to an end”. The truth is, some things just come to an end. The life cycle of relationships is not always long lasting. Friendships sometimes become a distance relationship. It feels like they have ended, but in the spirit of friends, we move forward.

Endings won’t always provide you with a good closure. They won’t be the smooth cognitive transition that we long for as humans. Not all endings will provide the physical transition. The “one last time” connection you desire, cancel it. In most cases, you will be left more confuse. In spite of the emotion and physical satisfaction you need, going with logic may be you best way.

You Should Maintain A Healthy Balance Between Head And Heart

Some men are good at interjecting logic or critical thinking in any type of relationship. Women tend to be more emotional and operate from the heart. It is in your best interest to have balance between your emotions and logic. Man or woman, balance between emotion and reason is important.

You must not sway too much in either direction. For example, if you project to much logic, you might not be in touch with your feel. Hence, you should have firm grasp on how you feel, when everything is all said and done. Likewise, too much emotion may cause you to not consider logical point. Points where when people leave, it’s totally independent of anything having to do with you.

This Goes For All Types Of Relationships

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Look, friends as well as lovers may walkout. This not just about relationships where folk are into imitate love consummated with sex. This is about any type of relationship. People will come and go, and some will stay. Whatever the connection, it makes the time memorable. When you look back of the course of your life, you will realize you had different types of relationship. Learn to handle the exits with grace.

Getting To Trust Is Not An Easy Journey With People You Hope Will Be There Forever

With so much happening in the world and within cultures, it’s often hard to decipher where you should invest your trust. Unquestionably, you must nurture and respect your trust and ensure others do the same. Importantly, don’t ignore your trust, it shows others its valuable to you. Don’t allow anyone to misuse it or mistreat it. Guard your trust and be smart with it, no matter who demands it.

Truthfully, we often give our trust away with ease. Folk must earn your trust. I’m not saying be bitter. However, when you extend your trust, the person should be taking a victory lap to gain it. That means that have put in the work before you extend it. More importantly, if a person gives you their trust easily, then question it; especially if you are new too each other. Clearly, you don’t want to be given anything prematurely and have it rescinded when you make a small mistake.

Only Extend Your Trust Back To The Special Someone When You Are Ready

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Above all, trust is a two way device. Indeed the expectation is if someone offers you trust, they will expect an offer back at some point in the immediate future. It’s critical to know that this should not be a deciding factor for you to just fling it away. Be conscious not to offer it up like Sunday dinner and your doing the family a favor.

Determine the right time and circumstances to extend the bridge to your trust. In fact, make them come get it, if they want it. This means you still hold fast to your beliefs. If they are will to do so, then you have attracted them. It should be noted that waiting to long might not sit well with the person. Again, it has to be right for you and not just because a person decides to trust you.

When Trust Becomes An Ultimatum Before It Is Ripe For The Sharing

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Ultimatums are exhausting and simply comes with pressures. If you demand trust or the other person is demanding you trust them, this might not be a good thing. It may misfire. Trust as a deal breaker is fine and wanting to get to trust is even better. However, pressure to obtain or give anything to early will not have the best results. Timing is everything. Wait for it, wait for it! There must be a fine balance.

If Trust Is A Deal Breaker For You

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If trust is a deal breaker then it is important that you find out if the person is capable of being trustworthy. This is often a delicate area, because with social media and expectations, trust is just hard. Mature individuals, who really connect will be better at gaining trust. Others will struggle with discussing the topic. If you find that wanting to talk about trust makes someone unease, you might not want to ignore that type of response.

Changing the subject and just no clear ability to articulate on the subject of trust is a obvious red flag. Honestly, it’s no magic formula when it come to the right time to trust. There are behavior and character traits to watch closely.

Find a good book on trust, in the area of psychology written by a credible profession for additional suggestions. In essence, do your research. Last, trust your gut.

I Don’t Care What Anyone Tells You, Being In True Love Will Teach You How To Love

We’ve all been in love at some point in our lives. If we are lucky enough, we will be in love multiple times. Some of us need to experience being in love because it provides joy, excitement, and a connection different from all other types of love . There is nothing like the love of a mate, someone you’ve invested your time and energy.

When the love is right and with the right person, meaning you can compromise with the person, be friends, forgive without being made a fool, and share your world, then love is relaxing and a lot less stressful. You can enjoy the ride the relationship has to offer. You can focus on building your present and future with the person. You are able to find the fun and joy in being in love. The love will teach you how to be a better lover or loving person.

True Love Will Always Win, Even When There Is Loss

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In a time, where there’s an increasing amount of imitation or dupe relationships, feelings, affections and ties, the real or true maybe hard to spot. The signs are present for true too. It may not be easy to recognize, because we tend to focus on cheating signs. True love empowers. True love supports and creates a safe environment or space, so we may grow and communicate without the threat of feeling small. Love encourages and is a truth advocate. When everything else dies out or withers away, this type of love will win, in the end . True love will survive.

You Have To Advocate For The Love You Want And Need

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According to Merriam-Webster, Advocate means “one who supports or promotes the interests of a cause or group”. It also means “one who defends or maintains a cause or proposal”. You must radiate true love and depending on the type of relationship expect and give it. If the other person in the relationship cannot deliver it, chances are each one of you had a different expectation on love. Over time, real love is develops organically. How you love your friends may not be the same as how you love your mate. Whatever version, they both should be real and you must be an advocate for love.

A Good Love Will Assist In Balancing You

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It would interesting to know, if their is a person existing whose never experienced loving another person. In fact, it would be scary. Love has a way of balancing you out. It’s the give and take wheel that molds you, and the need to console and be consoled type behavior. You have to allow love to balance you, if you don’t, you will not union properly with the person you love. A good love, a true love, will balance you, if you let it! It will teach you and you can teach it.

If You Take Advice From People, Make Sure You Sort Through The Messy Bits

Taking advice from people can be tricky. Informal advice is subjective and should be listen to with a cautionary ear. If you are taking it from family or friends, here is some advice, consider their experience or areas of expertise.
Formal advice, well chance are you going to pay for it or it comes from a place to technical expertise or coaching. Whatever way it comes, you must consider where it comes from and the value it will add.

The truth is you may have one or two people that you go to for advice. It is because those individuals have a proven track record of offering quality and reliable advice. You may know it as “sound advice”. They filter out the messy content and offer you the down and dirty without over burdening a situation with meaningless feedback.

It’s Okay To Pass On Feedback That’s Not Relevant To You

More times than few, you will probably opt out of considering general advice or even specific advice. You may take your own advice, which is, take nobody’s advice. MKay!!!! Again, if it is formal advice, chances are they are a respected expert. Then again, you are the judge of what matters to you. Random advice can be messy and may be birth from a place of inexperience.

Trust Your Instinct, You’ll Thank Yourself Later

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If something sounds bogus then the information should be fact check. Here is what you should know, people love to talk behind other people. They carry that same information to you, and will do their best to sell it to you as credible data. Don’t believe the hype. There is so much informal information floating around and people talk about everything…they unknowingly and indirectly will try to pass bogus information to you. You are often left to clean up and out the info. It’s smart to trust your instinct.

If Take The Advice, What Do You Plan To Do With It?

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You’ve ask and received! The next step is deciding rather to take and use the person’s advice. If everything you received sounds reasonable, relevant, and you’ve check the information for accuracy, then you have to decide how you want to use it. You can decide to use a some of it and save put the unused tidings/words in your vault for later. You may even decide to share it, if it is worth sharing. If you apply it to make a decision, then remember to always give the person the credit they deserve if their advice works. If you decide to use it to make a career decision then remember that you maybe able to help someone later.

You may decide to modify the advice if you find that there is a better way to use it. If the situation is more informal, the suggestive advice may not be as big of a deal to retain. Finally, situations change, therefore the knowledge/information that work today may not apply in the future.

Who Do You Love

You have the right to experience love across cultures without the pejorative opinions of those who understand less. If you have ever watched Underworld: Rise of the Lycans, nothing is more sturdy and unwavering than Viktor’s belief about his species or kind. The idea of his daughter, Sonja being in love with the werewolf, Lucian, is not only repulsive to Viktor but, a disgrace to the bloodline in the most pejorative sense.

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And, if you were the type of vampire that Viktor and his clan is, you would probably feel the same as him. A creature that is eternal, demonically divine and mostly unstoppable. As a human, you have a heart and souls, which means you evolve differently and feel more deeply about love. You understand that love shows up and shows out in your life without fair warning. It comes from the most unlikely places from those you least expect. The evolution of love is important. Lao Tzu once wrote, “Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” 

A love that evolves naturally and is afforded the proper nourishment will flourish.  You have to show up in the love situation. In some culture loving outside of your class status and even your culture is unacceptable. You may or may not understand this, but you should at least respect it. You might try to love those that are good for you and right for you…this includes being compatible. Sometimes it sneaks in from places far removed from what you had planned. And, you decide to pursue because of the feeling in down deep in the pit of your stomach.

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It may not always please friends and family, but learning to experience love and going for everything you can get from it, is all human. If you may have experienced horrible love, you know the one sided love affair,  where you have deeply loved someone and you questioned if they love you back. The person didn’t offer up behavior over time that made you believe they loved you back. Loving the wrong person results in a lesson in love or making better choices on who to love or simply getting out there.

Some years back, Mary J Blige sung a song call Real Love. Where do you find this kind of love? There is not a complete and definitive answer to that question. Maybe all love is real love and some of it maybe a little misguide, premature and needs more time to bake.  Naw, some if it is infatuation…faux love.  When love is love, you will know and there will be no mistaken it. Hopefully, as you become wiser, the topic of love becomes more sensible.

Don’t let pressure and bad experiences with prior love, keep you from what is to come. Remember to love. If life teaches any lesson regarding love it is, you don’t know who we will end up loving outside of your normal unconditional love relationships or connections. If you must love, then love. It is unpredictable, sweet, painful, fun, adventurous, emotional, and above all love can be epic.

Love Quotes To Digest

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“I know for sure that loves saves me and that it is here to save us all.” by Maya Angelou

The most important thing in the world is family and love.” by  John Wooden

“Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage.” by Lao Tzu

“You know you’re in love when you can’t fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams.” by Dr. Seuss

“We loved with a love that was more than love.” by Edgar Allen Poe