family Archives

Five Types Of Family Members That Will Teach You To Be A Better Person

Posted on June 15, 2020 by Melinda Milhouse

If you are familiar with Game of Thrones you are probably aware of how appalling some family members are to others. Perhaps, it does not surprise you that some people you share blood with can be absolutely menacing, derange, shiftless, or self-centered. When the toxicity of these kind of people are obvious, you may do you best to avoid them.

George Bernard Shaw once wrote, “If you cannot get rid of the family skeleton, you may as well make it dance.”

Nevertheless, you do not get to select your blood bond family. Let the connection you have with them and sharing the same space with spoil or mooching members do nothing, if not, make you better. Often this makes it difficult to completely turn your back on the most challenging members. Moreover, no matter how annoyed you get with them, you will continue to show up at events and tolerate them for the greater good. Of course the good may work in your favor.

Spend enough time in the company of cheeky or dismal personality, you learn to finetune your own.

Furthermore nothing is more aggravating than sharing the same space with a love one whose values and or habits are insufferable. Habits and attitudes will make it difficult to enjoy family holidays and events. In addition, if you find yourself in the company with challenging family, it can be a nightmare if you are not compatible. In a like manner, it will at least make time pass slowly as you spiral into a funk.

Some of the most toxic people are friends and family. Here are five types of family members that will make you a better person.

The Intrusive Or Rude One

This person has absolutely zero boundaries. Rude is their first, middle, and last name. You know exactly who this person is in the fam, as you read this. Honestly, you do your best to avoid them, but they manage to find a way to insert their opinion or body into your business. Keeping your composure is sometimes the most favorable measure, but it may not always work.

Peel back the psychology layers on this personality type and you may discover deep flaws in that person. They need to repair and heal, but that is not your immediate concern. How they treat you and you and how you recover from their treatment, is yours to handle.

The Insensitive One

You must wonder if this person has an emotional disconnect from their environment. A person with this behavior characteristics does not come with the proverbial filter in their mouth. Whatever they think, they say. If you need comforting do not count on them not to interject their own prejudices.

If you expect cordial responses or common courtesy, you may just walk away feeling dismal. Their opinions are gravely staunch and have excessively little of the human factor build in.

The Coddled One

Often, this position or behavior goes to the only child or the younger
members in the family. Though, it is not usual to see a sibling or cousin in
their mid-30s behaving excessively pampered. Honestly, they tend to be more carefree and outwardly cheerful. At some point in their life, you have probably participated in overdoing for them too.

You end up absorbing this individual’s key responsibilities. In some instances they manage to convince you that helping them is supremely important to their well-being. Occasionally, it looks like they suffer from failure to launch. Truth be told, it is a shrewd manipulation tactics

It is not by chance that this happens. Generally, it comes from having older siblings, cousins, or aunts and uncles that aim to protect them. You want to keep them from making the same mistakes you made, so they get all the remedies to your mistakes.

The Emotional One

“I cannot believe this is happening again. Oh wow, did you see what happened over there? Did you see my post on social media”? This is the person that is emotional about every little thing. It is like they have are one hundred percent invested on all things emotional. No one else gets the opportunity to be even a little emotional because they tend to take up all the emotional space. If you try to be passionate in their company, they somehow manage to disarm you and take up the arm themselves.

You spend so much time trying to talk this person down off the emotional
ladder, that you forget you are sometimes up the emotional ladder too.

The Pompous One

Do not be caught in public places to long with this one. Watch out, because their self-importance will outperform yours, 99% of the time. If you ever feel like you are a second-class person in the company of aunt, uncle, or cousin, then you are in the company of a pompous member of the family. They often carry the grand ideas about themselves. Importantly, they want the most elaborate family vacations and family reunions, with no regard for the size of anyone else’s purse or money bag.

In the end, these types of people may be family, friend, colleagues, or simply people you only will have contact with for a short period of time. Decide how much time you are willing to spend in their presences. Let their behaviors have an osmosis effect and create an improved person in you.

Let’s Talk About Proper Bathroom Cleaning In A Shared Household And How To Get It Right

Posted on October 26, 2019 by Melinda Milhouse

First, if this is a topic that you’ve never had to engage in here’s probably why:

You live alone, so your standards reign supreme and are not at odds with anyone else.
There are multiple bathrooms and you don’t share with anyone.
People in your household share the same cleanliness etiquette as you.

If any of those reasons are the case, then lucky you! Bathroom etiquette is essential when you share. I don’t just mean change the trash, locked the door, refill the toilet paper, or flush the toilet. There are many ways to improve on bathroom style. The basics are no longer enough, and etiquette require additions. We need to mix and match depending on the people in the household.

Indeed, this is not the topic you constantly nag the people around you with, but cleanliness necessitates that you do. There are shower curtains to clean, floors to sweep and mop, tubs to scrub, and fan filters to clean. A couple of these activities must occur at a max twice a week. If there are kids, then it may require that it occurs more.

There Are Levels To This, So Put People On The Same Level

Each adult has different levels of cleanliness or what they see as dirty. For example, what you see as need to clean now, maybe a “we can wait two more days” to someone else. How do you ensure that there is a scope on cleaning in a timely fashion? Create a calendar or task wheel. Set it to purpose and require that individuals follow it respectively. In particular, this sets a task on a schedule, but the key is too ensure the activity happens not to late and not too early.

Inventory when major areas of the bathroom seem to start showing grime and determine a reasonable level of grime. I know I know not everyone is going to agree, but you can agree that everyone must participate.

Create A Bathroom Chore Calendar or Wheel

If creating a chore calendar or wheel is in your wheelhouse, then this will be the easy part. Otherwise, you may want to start with some research before scheduling activity. The secret to a bathroom chore schedule is to ensure activities or task that are constantly under-performed not performed are on the wheel.

First, there are certain duties that everyone must perform individual. For example, flush the toilet, clean the sink after each use, refill toilet paper, and rise the tub after each use. However, cleaning the walls, tub, baseboards and floors, entire toilet needs to be on the calendar. This level of cleaning normally means pulling out cleaning supplies and brushes to remove grime, dirt, soap scum deposits, and water mole. In summary, these chores require some good ole elbow grease. In short, this is work, but it’s necessary!

The Bottom line, Cleanliness Is Next To Godliness Or It Should Be

If you’ve never heard the saying “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”, then let me enlighten you. Cleanliness is indicative of goodness and spiritual purity. Indeed, tidiness is important, especially when someone in the household is sick or has surgery. It’s just easier to have a superb level of clean every day. It makes more sense to have cleaning on a cycle, rotating the responsibilities of the activities. In conclusion, strive for perfection, at least you will protect those in your home from bacteria and germs at a level you can control.

Happy Easter Sunday

Posted on April 21, 2019 by Melinda Milhouse

I hope that everyone celebrating today, enjoy their fete. Enjoy the time with family, friends, or a simple quiet day. The holiday experience is different for everyone, but find some peace and warmth in these special moments, these times. I’m always grateful to be in the company of my family during this time and others. Find some grace and thankfulness in yet another occasion to eat, talk, or listen. Yes, I’m foremost on family. I hope you find your base today and enjoy.

Yes, December Is A Busy Month Too

Posted on December 20, 2018 by Melinda Milhouse

Any Given Day In December

If you are like most people, then you probably spend the month of December in what you swear is “the free space” month. Free to enjoy desserts you can only get this time of year. Free to enjoy those friends that live so far away, you only get to see them once year, and that once of year is December. Free to make choices you can’t make any other time of the year because you are just too busy being consumed with work, promotion, professional classes, events, and other stuff. You total ignore the fact that December is probably your most busy month. Once you see green, red, silver and gold… its on! What’s on? A non-stop month of endless activities, sugary treats, trips to the mall, parties on top of parties in your personal and professional life. Deep breaths are now required.

The Infamous Holiday Parties

And just like that, holiday parties are coming at you like January maintenance fees and taxes. If you feel like you’ve attended more holiday parties than you planned by the time you’ve reached the mid-winter solstice in December, then chances are you have. Nope, it is not a dream. Depending on where you work, holiday parties maybe broken down into departments. If you have kids and friends, then the parties don’t stop with the office. Yes, they spill over into the after work after party time slots…but only in December!

The Decorations

If the holiday parties don’t consume you, then planning for the right decor will surely require your time, attention, and eye for styling things up or down. The holidays have three types of people, those who over decorate, under decorate or don’t decorate at all. First timers, you are sure to be in the over decorate category. You’re excited to show off your new place and your ability to mix and match the best set of Christmas tree to wreath to candle holders. If you have been decorating for 10 years, then you have learned to balance how much setup, because taking down is tedious and boring. You’re probably worn out from all the festivities and new years not mention January is closer than you can imagine. If you are a parent with adult children, but with grand kids, you will probably decorate just enough or under decorate to ensure the take down process goes with easy.

Time With Friends

For some of you, the December holiday is the only time is about seeing old friends. You and your friends have busy lives and this time is important and mentally and emotionally necessary. It can be some of the most sentimental time shared. If you have long time friends that live on opposite coast, the anticipation builds through out the year, holding itself for moments spent together in December.

How you decide to carry out this month is up to you. Do it with moderation and respect. For heaven’s sake, you don’t won’t to spend the month of January beating yourself up for out of control behavior…or maybe you do (sigh with a devious smile). Enjoy the last month of the year. This is often the only time of the year that some use to unwind, vacation, see family and friends, have a drink, or attend a special event. Enjoy…happy Holidays and get ready to have a yourself a glorious new year.

Aunts, Uncles, Nieces And Nephews – You Are Unforgettable To Each Other

Posted on October 28, 2018 by Melinda Milhouse

If you are one of many siblings in the family that don’t have children, but carry the title of aunt or uncle and you come to the rescue of your nieces, nephews and great-nieces and nephews, then give yourself a well deserved toast. Yes, raise those glasses. You have a title, which is less celebrated, but is important and critical in family roles and responsibilities. Unbeknownst to you, your value in your family increases with every nephew, niece, grand nephew, and grand niece that is born. You are a bright light in the family, especially in the lives of your nieces and nephews, which is more appreciated by them than anyone else.

Rejoice aunts and uncles, you prevent and eliminate bottlenecks…you buy the best Christmas gifts, back to school gear and supplies. You have more assist than a NBA player. You create a sense of entitlement in them. You support and spoil them. It may not go over well with your sibling, but hey you love them too.

Photo courtesy of Image App

Blame Their Sense Of Entitlement Attitude On You

If you don’t have kids of your own, then you inherit the responsibility to ensure your nieces or nephews flourish. If you’ve accepted the challenge then remember to wear the title better than well. Some of you may carry the title and choose the easy way out. You know when you’re doing those duties gracefully and properly, cause your precious nieces and / or nephews tend to go overboard with demands. Yes, they develop a direct line to you. Of course, you don’t mind at all.

Not only that, but they probably have developed a sense of knowing you will come through for them, when mom and dad says NO! Yes, they become entitled, and if you don’t have children, they are smart enough to know that it works to their advantage.

The support is a tremendous help to the sibling that is a single parent. If you know this and you swoop in and save the day, it’s a welcoming gesture. Beware, they are watching and know what they can ask of you. You love it, but be respectful to their parent(s), yes your sibling or in law. The entitlement you create in that niece or nephew, becomes that parent(s) and yours to monitoring and correct if necessary.

Your Nieces And / Or Nephew Is Your Welcoming Party

If you live away from your family or better yet, if you return home for the holidays and family events, you are probably greeted with a call that goes something like, “Auntie Tina or Uncle Mike, have you made home.” “What time will you get here? And, can we go to the mall and out to eat?” If they are not the first call, they will be the second or third. You probably receive the call or text the day before your arrival, ensuring you are still on track to come home or to the family event. That call maybe purely innocent with no strings attached or it could very well have some strings.

You Miss Your Nieces And Nephews More Than You Ever Imagine

If you have a good relationship with family, nieces/nephews, then you probably missing them more than you. It is the thing that makes it difficult to tell them no when the come asking for things. It is okay to miss them and that’s why the unexpected phone call, text or video chat makes you happy.

If you have the chance to have a great relationship with your niece and / or nephew make the most of it. They don’t stay children or teenagers for long. They grow up, graduate from high school and / or college, have kids and you become the grand or great aunt and / or uncle. It starts all back over again. And guess what, if you were a stand up aunt and uncle to their mom and dad, expect to have a role to play in the grand or great life. Family, is beautiful, fun, worrisome, disagreement, but above all it is unconditional love at its best.

It’s Fall And We Are Ready

Posted on September 22, 2018 by Melinda Milhouse

Happy Fall 2018. Enjoy and celebrate this time of the year with fun and enthusiasm.

Folk, It Is That Time Of The Year

Posted on November 4, 2017 by Melinda Milhouse

No Time For Tired

Let the holiday season begin! Yes, we have entered the next 50+ days of the holiday season. Oh yes, it is here. The commercials, holiday radio stations, the department stores holiday commercials on repeat and social media are in the jingle all the way mood!

Enter what may become a stressful time of year. Enter the most non-stop time of the year. Road trips, parties, holiday plays and parades it is all here and ready for you to participate. Do not allow yourself to become overwhelmed in what can be demanding festivities. Do pace yourself, prioritize events and make the best decisions for you and your family. Do not let January 2018 catch you tired because you decided to be the holiday all-in guru. Do enjoy good food, family, friends, and find time to relax. Enjoy your favorite holiday show or do nothing at all. Remember, it is okay to say “not this year” with some events.

The Potential Underbelly Of A Good Deed

Posted on October 29, 2017 by Melinda Milhouse

Choose Your Good Deeds Carefully

Don’t let anyone try to force good deeds on you. Even a good deed comes with consequences if you are too eager to perform it but, haven’t given the proper thought to
how it may change your current situation. When family is involve, it makes it difficult to reject helping out.

Photo Courtesy of Pinnable

Family is sacred and important, after all did I mention it’s family. The blood that binds us and no blood is bound tighter than that of siblings. So, when the opportunity arises to perform a good deed for a sibling, what should you do? Dip your big toe in the good deed pool without any measure of how it will impact you, or give it a few days before you provide the answer?

A close and important friend of mine, Tina, decided that she would take her brother in as a roommate. In January of this year, Tina’s brother landed a job in the same city as her. Tina sporadically decided that a roommate would be great, and what better person than her second favorite sibling.

What’s hard about extending a kind jester to her favorite? Nothing at the beginning, until the days turn into months.

The Good Deed Results Ensued

Tina’s apartment is average size and has two bedrooms. When she selected the apartment the idea was for the extra bedroom to be used as a guess room, to accommodate a stay not more than a week. Her dwelling has an all white kitchen with white cabinets, chrome handles and wood floors. Those two features were important to her during the choosing process. In fact, Tina never had any intention of doing a lot of cooking, so she was never concerned with her white cabinets requiring nothing more than a normal Clorox cleaning every two weeks.

I mean the girl has earned her right to have her place the way she chooses. She has a good career and she selected this place particularly because she can afford it. The bathroom and common room is not huge, but it was enough for her to clean every weekend. And, the dinning area she turned into her office with four mahogany bookshelves from the ceiling to the floor. Complimented by a mahogany desk with all the cool home office items.

Photo Courtesy of Pinnable

Tina’s brother is in his late 30s and just finished graduate school and Tina is in early 40s. Tina thought that roommates would a great way to go. It gives her brother an opportunity to reestablish himself and save some money so he can afford his own place in a year. Plus, Tina could use the extra hand because she deals with arthritis. It’s one of the reasons why she choose her apartment to be easy to clean and with the kitchen that opens up to the common room and office. Not too big and not too small.

Enter Tina’s brother and as he settled in, in late January she knows he’s a workout and prefers to do meal prep. It is his way of life. What Tina didn’t count on was once her brother moved in, how much space she would be giving up and sharing. In addition, she didn’t realize that because her brother meal preps, which means he cooks a lot, that her lovely white cabinets would not be so white.

The cleaning schedule she originally had in place would have to be more frequent. Not what she was planning. She also realized that she was now giving up 80% of her fridge space due to meal prepping. Tina had not thought about how her good deed would begin to alter her life more than she wanted it to!

More importantly the closet space she lost was unbelievable because her brothers bedroom did not have a walk-in closets. Tina remembered that the guest bedroom was never for long-term occupancy.

Tina began to wondered had she volunteered for this good deed with haste. Had she not considered what having a roommate would mean. How long can she do this before she becomes the nagging sibling. Tina wonders if she will be able to make it through one more year.

I personally believe she will make it through another year. And, as her closes confidant, I remind her to utilize her brothers presences wisely. He can help her, just as much she is assisting him with living quarters. She should consider all the task she wants to get accomplish, but her arthritis limits her and leverage his availability. Not to mention, she’s been wanting a workout partner and what better than a sibling whose atheltics and a health driven. How do you make a sporadic good deed work, you make small changes and compromises. But, you remind the person that they may have to do more adjusting to your ways and you less to their.

Bottom-line have the conversation and set the expectations.